my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize