i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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