remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
