You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
