Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
