What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
So vagazzling was a success
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
