we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize