That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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