Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
