Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
