shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
