Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
