so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
