Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
