Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Michael Bay diarrhea
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize