so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
you traded sex for a burrito?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
