You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
