Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize