Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
