Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
