My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize