my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
