there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize