it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
