He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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