But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
