I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
