and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
