life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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