listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
