this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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