So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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