Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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