So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
