is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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