bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
