I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
he was CRYING into my vagina
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
