Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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