My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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