I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
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