Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
