Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I still have a little drunk in my system
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
