Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
