It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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