Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
