Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
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