Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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