i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize