He disabled his match.com account in front of me
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
