I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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