Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
