went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
do herpes really smell.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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