I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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