im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
