I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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