i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
