Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Randomize
