In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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