wrigley field is MILF paradise
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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