As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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