I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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