is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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