Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize