road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Randomize
