Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
