omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
