btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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