Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
