I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
